Taped 911 Call

Rob Reed... Mar 6, 1999

Investigative reporter, Juan Hector Rodregez, of Channel 6, reported the following frantic conversation verbatim as an example of emergency call center abuses....Here, the 911 Dispatcher shows little compassion or sympathy towards an obviously distract caller...  

911 Dispatcher:  Hello, 911.

Caller:  Yes, is this....Can you help me, my Big Hops are getting creamed by the NIBL.

911 Dispatcher:  Sir, can you be more specific.

Caller:  Look, those bastards see a big brown hole in Bolingbrook and they are fighting to get in.  Do you hear that, that's the remnants of my ass checks flapp'n in the wind. Everyone one of those bastards have their hand prints all over me.

911 Dispatcher:  Sir, is this an emergency call? Caller:  Lady, my buns are toast.  My ass is assimilated.  I am their BITCH! (buzzing heard in the background) 

911 Dispatcher:  Sir, I am getting interference, is this an emergency call?

Caller:  That sound is my ass being mowed down in this league.  Maybe someone in this dammed league will use some of Kriegers Anal Lube before they FUCK me.

911 Dispatcher:  Sir, this is an emergency call center, if this is not an....

Caller: Lady, screw you. NIBL is nailing my ass.  Schlapping my sphincter.  I am screwed. Do you get it?

911 Dispatcher:  Sir, I am terminating this call if this is not an emergency.

Caller:  I got the second best defense in this damned league.  My offense has their head in their ass.  Let me play Sioux City...Please!  I ain't gonna have an ass if you don't help me....I am going fuck'n NUTS!

911 Dispatcher:  Sir, this call is now being ended.

Caller:  Kiss my ass....I am so screwed the paramedics will only find the shriveled ring of an anus left on my living room carpet.  NIBL.....Kiss my ass!  Bryant Reeves is com'n to the rescue any day now...

911 Dispatcher: Good bye!

Caller:  That's it!  I'll beg for a bye week!