Diablo's Draft-2K Analysis

Danny Bruessel... May 7, 1999

Hola, from sunny Diablo, CA,

Here's some info on something us non-playoff teams care about:


I looked through records and spent countless seconds figuring out next year's draft order, 'n' it goes a li'l sumpin' like dis, hit it. (unless teams drop out or something like that occurs.)

1.When you don't win a game all season, at least we'll give you first pick, unless the commisioners decide to penalize you for lack of calling in lineups-the first pick goes to-THE BOLINGBROOK BIG-HOPS.

2.OUCH, OUCH, OUCH.  For second pick, it has to go to the team that was decimated by injuries and trades, my uncle Steve-THE SIOUX CITY SALSA.

3.When you are a non-playoff team and you wallop the league hated West Chicago Women you will be handsomely rewarded with a high pick.  That goes to me-THE DIABLO SPAWN.(quick question-why did I take Sprewell and Jayson Williams so frickin' high in the draft?)

4.Ditto about the women. West Chicago's biggest rival. Although Walla just looks at them like a bunch of bustahs, next pick-WALLA WALLA BOARD BANGERS.

5&6. Although they had an even record, it came down to tie breaker #1.  Head to head.  THE SHOREWOOD SCEPTERS lost, so they get 5th, and the strangest smack talkers in the league get 6th-THE MATUNUCK BREAKERS.

7. Happy Mother's Day.  Your gift-A good shot at Kevin Garnett. My beloved Mother gets 7th pick-THE MANILA DOG EATERS.

8,9&10. My favorite cousin-in-law goes 0-2 against the next two teams so THE LAS VEGAS VERMIN get the 8th spot.  THE BAGHDAD CROSS-DRESSERS go 1-1 and secure their spot at number 9(He's the one that Knocked my mom out of the playoffs). And THE JOLIET DURTY-BYRDS pulled a coop and flew your coup into the ten spot(MTV don't sue us).

If Elk Grove breaks into two seperate entities, the team that does not retain the Elk Grove name gets the 11th spot, if we have 16 teams.

The 12th spot goes to a lucky new-comer(fresh meat).

THE ARUBA THONGS, CAPITAL CITY TOOLS, ELK GROVE COUGARS, AND WEST CHICAGO WOMEN will split the last four picks based upon playoff performance.  the 13th pick goes to the playoff loser with the worst record, the 14th goes to the second playoff loser, the 15th goes to the championship series loser, and finally the champs get the last pick.