West Chicago Wow!
WifeBeater Slap Thong for NIBL Title
Bill Krieger... May 24, 1999
Somebody pissed off the West Chicago WifeBeater, and they apparently took it out this weekend on the Aruba Thong. The Beaters crushed the Thong in the series clincher 147-90, and West Chicago wins the 1999 NIBL Championship two games to one.
West Chicago clicked on all cylinders led again by Alan Iverson's 42 nibls. The key to the Beater title-winning effort, though, was Iverson's supporting cast. Jaren Jackson, who in game two was able to score only a single nibl point, crashed the party with 30 nibls. In fact, every Beater scored 20 nibls or more.
Aruba had a good effort, but it wasn't nearly enough. Brian Grant again led the Thong with 37 nibls; Bryon Russell, however, stumbled with only 10 nibls. With West Chicago tallying 147 points, Aruba never stood a chance.
Here's the final NIBL Championship series stats:
Bill Krieger, owner of the Aruba Thong, seemed unphased by the loss. Perched at Aruba Thong headquarters, a bar stool at the Aruba Hilton, Mr. Krieger responded to the West Chicago stomping, "I-I blasum my ser fank in blur de mokkum. Where's bly Heiny! F'in F!" It's unclear what this second consecutive playoff defeat will do to the Thong organization, but answers were not to be found at the bottom of a green bottle.
In West Chicago, cars were overturned and set ablaze, though this was not thought to be at all related to the WifeBeater victory. Don Fenton, West Chicago owner, interviewed via satellite, said "Did I win it yet? Good. It just seemed to take so damn long. Where's my money?" Asked of his plans for defending the NIBL title next year Don replied, "I think I'll send my player draft in by carrier pigeon next year... more reliable than Raimondo ya know."
The winner, West Chicago, receives 400 clams and will have his name etched on the treasured Michael Jordan Award (if we can pry the plaque frmo Denise Raimondo's hand) for all eternity. The loser, Aruba, gets 200 bones and a ticket to buster-ville until... next season.
PS - Well, all our positive vibes were received in Portland and the Blazers are up 3 games to 1. Briant Grant is smacking Karl Malone's bitch up... Stockton looks as old as, well, as old as he is... Hornacek is being humiliated by Riders... and Jerry Sloan, retard that he is, thinks that getting himself beat up Rasheed Wallace might help the buster Jazz cause. Sorry, Jerry, you stink.
PPS - Check out my guy at www.briangrant44.com
PPPS - We'll wrap up NIBL 1999 with the All-NIBL team and the NIBL MVP!