NIBL 2K Champs: Diablo Spawn!
May 11, 2000... Bill Krieger
Diablo chomps the DogEaters
Bow low, NIBL owners and sycophants, to the new champions:
NIBL 2000 Champions
Owner: Daniel F. Bruessel
In record fashion, the Diablo Spawn swept their way to the NIBL crown, besting the Manila DogEaters two games to nil. Diablo's gruesome Laker twosome of Shaq and Kobe applied most of the 174-72 DogEater pounding. Penny Hardaway piled on with 42 nibls, himself. I think that Elton Brand, even though he couldn't play, was peddling cold beer at court side. I know this is repetitive, but here are the records that Diablo shattered:
And for the morbidly curious out there, here's another stat for you... for the two-game championship series, the score was:
Manila 136, Shaq 124
Fortunately for Diablo, Kobe, Penny, Aaron McKie and Thunder Dan were able to amass 12 total nibls over the course of two games.
Well, the championship round was a battle between mother and son, but there was definitely no love lost during the finals. "Yeah, I guess it got kind of personal in the end there," said Danny Bruessel, Spawn CEO. "I wanted to send a message to my Mom... and that message is YOU STINK!" laughed the young Mr. Bruessel.
"No seriously, I want to thank Bill and Johnny Rai, the excellent co-commissioners of the NIBL, for their advice and tutelage over all the many years that my team stunk. I owe most of my success to them," stated the Diablo owner.
"Oh shit, I'm kidding you again... Bill and Johnny Rai are idiots. Fucking idiots, I swear." Mr. Bruessel continued, "I mean I've got the title, I've got the dough, I've got the chicks... and what do they have? Nothing. Fucking loser idiots."
When asked about the status of his team for next year Danny replied, "We look forward to drafting both Shaq and Kobe again, and of course, beating the league like a drum next year." After these comments, Mr. Bruessel and his entourage were swept away by limo to his luxury penthouse in the North high school section of Naperville where a night of celebration (and many cans of domestic beer) was planned.
Manila owner Denise Raimondo was unavailable for comment due to dark skies, slight showers and 10 mile per hour winds in the Phillipines. The AP reports, however, that the enraged DogEater chief was reportedly evicting the Spawn from their shared offices at the DogEaters' Naperville headquarters. Film at eleven.
Congrats Danny! I suggest that you all do the same and let Diablo Danny know your feelings at: email@example.com He really likes it if you put "ILOVEYOU" in the subject line of your email. He-he.
Quote of the Day
"You take Shaq away from the Lakers and you've still got a great team.
You take Iverson away fom the 76'ers and they are the Clippers, the Hawks.
They are no longer contenders."
- <name withheld>, the only person (moron) who didn't vote for Shaq as MVP... since one must assume that this was done only for publicity, this asswipe's name shall not grace this web page
Quote of the Day followup
"God, I feel sorry for the one guy who didn't vote for him"
- Jerry West on mister asswipe above
Me too, Jerry.
See you soon for...
NIBL 2001: A fantasy basketball odyssey