Finals Set: Napa vs. West Chicago. Good vs. Evil?
"It was beautiful."
- Don Fenton on the flurry of last-minute Kobe Bryant free throws
that gave him a one nibl ticket into the finals.
West Chicago empties Bucket hopes
West Chicago advanced to the NIBL finals for the second time in three years with a game 2 victory over Nantucket by, that's right kiddies, a single nibl. The Beaters ousted the Buckets in a 108 - 107 squeaker. The subplot: In the final minute of the Laker's game 2 victory, Kobe was thrown to the floor, called bad names, and even had his shoes deliberately untied... all resulting in free throws for the Beater's star player. And, a West Chicago victory.
Nantucket Jack, recognized by many as the nicest owner in the NIBL (no mean feat), was reportedly crushed and unavailable for comment. Either that, or Jack was furiously searching for the person who advised him to select Jeff Foster (Ind) as his playoff center.
Let's go to the videotape:
"Shut the fuck up Donny... you're out of your element"
- Walter, "The Big Lebowski"
T-Mac gives the Thongs a wedgie
Tracy McGrady's 65 nibl performance in game 3 propelled the Napa Valley Tasters to their first NIBL finals appearance in a 171 - 149 victory over the Aruba Thongs.
The Taster/Thong series was one of the fiercest in NIBL playoff history. The old record for scoring in a NIBL playoff game was 300 nibls set in 2000 by Manila and Cancun. Each game in this series bested that mark. Now, add in a game 1 tie and emotions were running high. With all this tension, we haven't seen fantasy basketball creep into the "real world" like this since the Pockets food fight of '88.
The night after game one's tie, given to Napa Valley on the home court advantage, someone (allegedly from the Aruba front office) painted a sky blue thong on Eric Shoonover's 1984 rust-colored Pontiac Fiero. A script "Eat Me" was strategically painted on the thong.
"He painted my car. What an idiot," said Mr. Schoonover after the incident.
Details are still sketchy at this point, but there appears to have been retaliation for the Fiero/thong incident. "I have no comment on that," said the Napa Taster owner, "What an idiot though... he painted my car."
The payback appears to have been a spate of gratuitous vandalism at Mr. Krieger's Triangle K ranch located in the heart of central mid-Naperville after Tracy McGrady's awesome performance Saturday night.
"He painted my favorite cow," sobbed Thong owner Bill Krieger. "Bossy ain't had no milk since. She's derned upset."
Apparently, last Saturday night someone broke into the Triangle K ranch, noted for its genetically-altered farm animals, and painted green wine bottle shapes with a pink letter "N" on them, covering a number of the ranch's finer bovine. "I thought they was bowlin' pins," said Mr. Krieger. "We ain't gots much use fer wine in these parts."
After the dust cleared on all these extra-curricular shenanigans, Napa Valley had advanced and Aruba was sent out to pasture. Aruba has now made the playoffs 3 times in the NIBL's four years and has yet to bring home the... er... bacon. We asked Thong owner Bill Krieger about this disappointment. He replied with a hearty, "Huh."
This qod from a great 3 1/2 bill-star movie... I guess the tie-in is a little metaphor: Don Fenton as the vampire of the NIBL. Interesting. Don... sucking the life from our veins with victory after victory... eternal... undying... slinking around in the cover of darkness... pale with no ability to play man-to-man defense in basketball. Nantucket Jack was Don's latest victim:
"God kills indiscriminately... and so shall we"
- Le Stat, "Interview with the Vampire"
Napa Valley vs. West Chicago: The Vegas line
I spoke this weekend with a number of the top odds-makers in Las Vegas (or "Lost Wages" as Elk Grove's Moz Krieger calls it)... no wait... I spoke with Tommy Dieboldt, owner of the Vegas Vermin. Anyway, I hear that the smart money is set to flow into West Chicago winning the NIBL title. With Kobe and the Baron already advancing and T-Mac a likely casualty in the first round, Napa's prospects look bleak.
I know that it is darkest before the dawn... But another West Chicago title will turn the NIBL pitch black. Does good triumph in the end? We shall see.
PS - Hey, I just remembered this from a week ago or so...
"Big Hops, that's funny. What was his team's real name?"
- Rob Triol, his reaction to hearing the mascot
of Rob Reed's ill-fated and defunct Bolingbrook Big Hops NIBL franchise...
the only NIBL team to never win a game.