Nov 7, 2001... Young Bill Krieger
Newbie DuPage rallies in
NIBL 2002 Season Opener
DuPage the only winning newbie in week 1
The DuPage (Private) Dicks weren't satisfied with just
victory in the new team's first NIBL game. The Dicks were
huge in week one and scored a league-high 343 nibls in
his victory over fellow newbie Seattle.
Not everyone in the NIBL was happy with DuPage's
performance. One anonymous source within the NIBL league
office said, "A dick has won this league twice
already, and I don't want to see another dick on top of
the league standings this year."
When asked about this situation, an unhappy
co-commissioner Bill Krieger expressed his concern,
"A dick has won this league twice already, and I
don't want to see another dick on top of the league
standings this year,"
The remaining newbies (and returning teams) suffer
more ignominious (and expected) fates:
- The Seattle SeaWhores featured Michael Jordan's
return to the NIBL in their 343-289 spanking by
DuPage. Looks like MJ will be playing for two
losing teams this year.
- The Nashville Volunteers whimpered out of the
gate with the gate with a 277-243 thrashing at
the hands of the Rippers. On the positive side,
Blake Dunn, Vols co-owner and the youngest league
owner, was voted "most handsome owner"
after the NIBL draft two short Saturdays ago.
- Cancun's return to the NIBL was a flop. The
Cleavage were small in their return debut (return
debut?) and tallied a league-low 239 nibls in
their loss to Manila. The intensity of this
"girls of the NIBL" matchup didn't
deter a sense of female comraderie in the
male-dominated fantasy basketball world. "I
knew I'd beat that bitch silly," said Manila
owner Denise Raimondo.
- The Plainfield Playmakers won the "spirit
award" at the NIBL draft... and were soundly
walloped by Shaq and his supporting cast at Walla
Walla 327-266. Plainfield, the old Bolingbrook
Bighop franchise, continues its losing streak at
14 games. "I am woman; hear me roar,"
said a confused Playmaker owner Rob Reed.
- Don Fenton continued his winning ways with an
effortless 294-288 victory over the Aruba Thongs.
Asked for comment, Mr. Fenton stated, "I
won? OK. I don't really follow the NIBL until the
playoffs start. I know I'm going to win, so why
bother. It's boring."
- Cap City's team, hailed as "best of the NIBL
draft" in USA Today was easily put down by
Nantucket 296-278. "I hate my team. I hate
myself. I hate Don Fenton." said Tool owner
Johnny "lap dance" Raimondo.
- Napa Valley started Elk Grove's long losing
streak with a 290-242 victory.
- "I will win the NIBL this year...
guaranteed!" yelled an effusive Diablo Danny
Bruessel after his team's week one victory over
Vegas 341-314. "Shaq, schmaq... I think that
Kobe and Zo will outscore Shaq. Did you see Vin
Baker? He'll be at the NBA all-star this year, ya
know," continued the Spawn CEO. Danny
concluded, "I am flippin' front-runner
looney destined for the lottery again this
year... did I just say that?"
West Chicago - Pride of the NIBL
I feel dirty, but Don Fenton's marauding huns
represented the NIBL in the 2nd annual Pretend Fantasy
Basketball World Championship of the World last week.
Each year we (the NIBL, that is) match our best of the
previous season (West Chicago) against the best from a
(friendly) rival league called the GNABO. The GNABO was
represented in the title game by M. Jesse Jackson's
Spokane Gilded Age squad. Jesse is the commissioner of
the GNABO and he won their league title last
year (how is that possible?).
Anyway, Don spanked our left coast foes by a score of
183-156. Let's go to the videotape...
West Chicago CleavageBeaters
Spokane Gilded Age
|D Nowitzki (dal)
||F - A Jamison (gsw)
|K Van Horn (njn)
||F - G Robinson (mil)
|D Mutombo (phi)
||C - L Wright (mem)
||G - S Marbury (pho)
|M Bibby (sac)
||G - C Mobley (hou)
That makes it NIBL 2, GNABO nothing... I received the
following concession speech from M. Jesse Jackson, owner of the Spokane
|West Chicago, IL --- Led by
Kobe Bryant and a lot of attitude, Don Fenton's Naperville
Invitational Basketball League's charges demolished the hapless
visitors, the Glasstown North American Basketball Organization's
Spokane Gilded Age in the World Pretend Basketball Championship.
"I thought that Diablo Danny was pretty good, but I
never expected this," said a confused M. Jesse Jackson,
Spokane owner and manager, as he exited the court in tears.
Yes, the second annual World Pretend Basketball
Championship was in the books: West Chicago Cleavage Beaters
183, Spokane Gilded Age 156. This year's contest, played
under NIBL rules, yielded a result distinctly similar to last
year, a handy NIBL win. As he raised the imaginary World
Pretend Basketball Trophy to hearty cheers throughout West
Chicago, Mr. Fenton exclaimed, "I said that I have no
competition locally; now I can confidently assert that I have no
competition globally." And, really, who could argue.
Thanks to Jesse for the verbiage, and congrats again
to Don "I will kick ass on any coast" Fenton.
NIBL Site a Shambles!
That's not what this week's headline is, but
not for trying. I swear every year the www.nba.com gets freakier
and freakier. Anyway, the site's pretty much up.
Don't forget that transactions start this week... any
moves that you want to make must be emailed to the NIBL
office ( email@example.com
) before midnight Friday.
All that's left now, is you. I am looking for NIBL
Notes from any and all contributors. So, send 'em in chop