NIBL 2002 - Notes

Nov 7, 2001... Young Bill Krieger

Newbie DuPage rallies in NIBL 2002 Season Opener

DuPage the only winning newbie in week 1

The DuPage (Private) Dicks weren't satisfied with just victory in the new team's first NIBL game. The Dicks were huge in week one and scored a league-high 343 nibls in his victory over fellow newbie Seattle.

Not everyone in the NIBL was happy with DuPage's performance. One anonymous source within the NIBL league office said, "A dick has won this league twice already, and I don't want to see another dick on top of the league standings this year."

When asked about this situation, an unhappy co-commissioner Bill Krieger expressed his concern, "A dick has won this league twice already, and I don't want to see another dick on top of the league standings this year,"

The remaining newbies (and returning teams) suffer more ignominious (and expected) fates:

  • The Seattle SeaWhores featured Michael Jordan's return to the NIBL in their 343-289 spanking by DuPage. Looks like MJ will be playing for two losing teams this year.
  • The Nashville Volunteers whimpered out of the gate with the gate with a 277-243 thrashing at the hands of the Rippers. On the positive side, Blake Dunn, Vols co-owner and the youngest league owner, was voted "most handsome owner" after the NIBL draft two short Saturdays ago.
  • Cancun's return to the NIBL was a flop. The Cleavage were small in their return debut (return debut?) and tallied a league-low 239 nibls in their loss to Manila. The intensity of this "girls of the NIBL" matchup didn't deter a sense of female comraderie in the male-dominated fantasy basketball world. "I knew I'd beat that bitch silly," said Manila owner Denise Raimondo.
  • The Plainfield Playmakers won the "spirit award" at the NIBL draft... and were soundly walloped by Shaq and his supporting cast at Walla Walla 327-266. Plainfield, the old Bolingbrook Bighop franchise, continues its losing streak at 14 games. "I am woman; hear me roar," said a confused Playmaker owner Rob Reed.
  • Don Fenton continued his winning ways with an effortless 294-288 victory over the Aruba Thongs. Asked for comment, Mr. Fenton stated, "I won? OK. I don't really follow the NIBL until the playoffs start. I know I'm going to win, so why bother. It's boring."
  • Cap City's team, hailed as "best of the NIBL draft" in USA Today was easily put down by Nantucket 296-278. "I hate my team. I hate myself. I hate Don Fenton." said Tool owner Johnny "lap dance" Raimondo.
  • Napa Valley started Elk Grove's long losing streak with a 290-242 victory.
  • "I will win the NIBL this year... guaranteed!" yelled an effusive Diablo Danny Bruessel after his team's week one victory over Vegas 341-314. "Shaq, schmaq... I think that Kobe and Zo will outscore Shaq. Did you see Vin Baker? He'll be at the NBA all-star this year, ya know," continued the Spawn CEO. Danny concluded, "I am flippin' front-runner looney destined for the lottery again this year... did I just say that?"

West Chicago - Pride of the NIBL

I feel dirty, but Don Fenton's marauding huns represented the NIBL in the 2nd annual Pretend Fantasy Basketball World Championship of the World last week. Each year we (the NIBL, that is) match our best of the previous season (West Chicago) against the best from a (friendly) rival league called the GNABO. The GNABO was represented in the title game by M. Jesse Jackson's Spokane Gilded Age squad. Jesse is the commissioner of the GNABO and he won their league title last year (how is that possible?).

Anyway, Don spanked our left coast foes by a score of 183-156. Let's go to the videotape...

World Pretend Championship

West Chicago CleavageBeaters


Spokane Gilded Age

D Nowitzki (dal)   32 F - A Jamison (gsw)    32
K Van Horn (njn)   36 F - G Robinson (mil)   35
D Mutombo (phi)   29 C - L Wright (mem)   31
Kobe (lal)   44 G - S Marbury (pho)   25
M Bibby (sac)   32 G - C Mobley (hou)   33
Beaters 183 The Age 156

That makes it NIBL 2, GNABO nothing... I received the following concession speech from M. Jesse Jackson, owner of the Spokane franchise:

West Chicago, IL ---  Led by Kobe Bryant and a lot of attitude, Don Fenton's Naperville Invitational Basketball League's charges demolished the hapless visitors, the Glasstown North American Basketball Organization's Spokane Gilded Age in the World Pretend Basketball Championship.  "I thought that Diablo Danny was pretty good, but I never expected this," said a confused M. Jesse Jackson, Spokane owner and manager, as he exited the court in tears.  Yes, the second annual World Pretend Basketball Championship was in the books: West Chicago Cleavage Beaters 183, Spokane Gilded Age 156.  This year's contest, played under NIBL rules, yielded a result distinctly similar to last year, a handy NIBL win.  As he raised the imaginary World Pretend Basketball Trophy to hearty cheers throughout West Chicago, Mr. Fenton exclaimed, "I said that I have no competition locally; now I can confidently assert that I have no competition globally." And, really, who could argue.

Thanks to Jesse for the verbiage, and congrats again to Don "I will kick ass on any coast" Fenton.

NIBL Site a Shambles!

That's not what this week's headline is, but not for trying. I swear every year the gets freakier and freakier. Anyway, the site's pretty much up.

Don't forget that transactions start this week... any moves that you want to make must be emailed to the NIBL office ( ) before midnight Friday.

All that's left now, is you. I am looking for NIBL Notes from any and all contributors. So, send 'em in chop chop.

yow, bill