Heir to the Plainfield Throne
Young Bill Krieger (Feb 3, 2003)
"Some day lad... all this will be yours"
- Father to son in "The Holy Grail"
Birth Announcement and Interview!
Born Feb 2, 2003: Carter Joseph Reed to father Rob, mother Sheri and
sister Josie Reed.
That's right. Plainfield plutocrat, RobReed, has spawned his
long-awaited heir to the Plainfield franchise.
I had the distinct pleasure of meeting Carter an hour or so after his
birth, and to my surprise, he had quite a bit to say...
Me: Hey CJ, congrats on the whole birth thing, man.
Carter: Don't "man" me and don't call me CJ, short pants.
Me: Er, okay. Well, Cart-man, how does it feel to be second in line
to the mighty Plainfield PlayMaker franchise... one of the Nibl's prized
Carter: I swear, I'll jump right out of this crib... the name is
Carter. You don't look all that bright, but I have confidence that you
can at least get my name right. As far as the PlayMakers are concerned,
I hope to right that ship by next year's draft.
Me: What changes do you expect... um... Carter?
Carter: Well, let me just say this: I don't think the old man will be
picking Troy Hudson in the 4th round next year. I don't care if Dad
hoisted a few with the guy down at Southern; we need more than 20 nibls
a shot out of our fourth round pick.
Me: Hmm... sounds like prudent analysis.
Carter: Listen, don't get all puffy over there, Thong boy... last I
checked I've played as many NBA games in 2003 as Grant Hill, so who's
analyzing who here.
Me: Good point.
Carter: Listen, I'm hungry. And before you make a crack about where
I'm heading for my next meal, remember this. In about 18 years, Tyler
and I will both tower over your near-sixty year old tired-as-dirt ass,
so watch yourself.
Pretty meaty stuff there... I look for big things from Plainfield in
the Nibl years to come.
BTW, Carter and mom and dad are happy and healthy. Seeing Carter a
couple hours after he was born was great, and I found him to be unusually
handsome. He quietly absorbed all the new sensory information that he was
getting so shortly after leaving the womb. Outstanding... congrats to the
whole Reed family!
- Bill Cartwright on Marcus Fizer, Chicago Bull
newly-acquired Point Blank power forward
Unlucky Week 13?
Tough week 13 for some of the favorites... and Point Blank:
- Shakopee 343, Point Blank 229 - Huh?!
- Seattle 279, DuPage 219 - Our other 1-11 team also
notched a second victory. DuPage is in disarray. You know, Seattle
ain't as bad as their record. Don Fenton's Dad has outscored junior by nearly
250 nibls this year. Speaking of...
- Capital City 315, West Chicago 252 - The nightmare
continues for West Chicago. Vince Carter finally returns to tally a
tiny 43 nibls for the week. The Beaters are 4-9 and 3 losses away from
their first losing season in Nibl history. Reaction from the evil one,
"We're rebuilding. Ya know, like the Bulls."
- Manila 319, Cancun 275 - The annual battle of the
Denises (or battle of the bitches, depending on your news source) goes
to Manila this year. I had the displeasure of overhearing Manila's
victory call to Cancun. I haven't heard swearing like that since Homer
and Kodos were on the Springer show.
- Nantucket 316, Napa Valley 302 - Shaq! The big fella
tossed in 101 nibls for the comeback Bucket win. Beware Walla and
Diablo... the Diesel is coming for you!
- Vegas 328, Rip City 323 - Nice try Rippers, but Marbury
says "no win for you" with a tasty 48 nibl Saturday night
nail. The fucking Vermin are on a tear. Vegas has averaged 357 nibls a
game for the past 5 weeks. Shit. This week's "low" score of
328 was done with T-Mac sitting out a game. Vegas Tommy
continues to trumpet his guarantee... "I will sweep the
West". Just two to go for the Vermin: Cancun and Diablo.
- Walla Walla 340, Plainfield 276 - The leader in West
continues its high-scoring ways as well. Plainfield swoons.
- Diablo 293, Aruba 267 - Juwan Howard's early ejection
garnered the Thong a 2 nibl game, and that was that. Diablo won the
battle of second-place teams. "Aruba, as ever, over-rated. It was
an easy victory," said Diablo Danny. Grant Hill expected to be
out 406 more weeks... didn't they say that 4-6 weeks ago?
Back to that Shakopee win for a second... the Shysters seem to have a
lineup now. Stephen Jackson of San Antonio (I know, look him up) poured in
66 nibls for the week. The stars of Shakopee are finally starting to
shine: Gasol (91 nibls), Abdur-Rahim (79 nibls), Bibby (69 nibls). I think
Steve may dish out some disappointment for a few more teams in the second
As if losing by a hundred and fourteen fucking nibls to Shakopee
weren't bad enough, Point Blank is blanking out of luck:
- Point Blank snarfs Marcus Fizer off the ash heap... one game later
Bill Cartwright calls his 12 nibl performance a fucking
embarrassment... the next game he blows out his knee
- Hubie Brown takes over the Griz and proclaims Murder forward Drew
Gooden, persona non grata... shit, the FBI can't even find this guy
- 5 nibl and 4 nibl losses to West Chicago and Walla, respectively
- The controversial "Al Harrington" loss to the Thong
- The 75 nibl Vegas shellacking and subsequent taunting
- And now, Jason Kidd's tweaked
Ay Carumba! I like to see newbies humbled as much as anyone, but this
is ridiculous. Maybe Point Blank can recover next week... hmm, PB at
Plainfield... I see Plainfield scoring about 360 in that one.
nibl... yow, bill
PS - For congrat purposes only, RobReed's email is: firstname.lastname@example.org