Bear down... Chicago Bears
Devin Hester
Matt Forte
Walter Payton
Devin Hester
Rex Grossman, aka "The Loser"
NY Jets #4
Kyle Orton, aka "Neck Beard"
Jessica Simpson
Lovie Smith
Giselle "Brady"   

Photos are mostly stream of consciousness... 1) Bear logo, 2) Devin Hester jumping over drug-user Todd Sauerbrun, 3) Matt Forte, 4) Walter, 5) Hester, 6) Rex Grossman, aka "The Loser", 7) NY Jets #4 jersey, 8) Kyle Orton, aka "Neck Beard", 9) Jessica Simpson, 10) Lovie, 11) Giselle

Send me something and I'll add/replace...



Payton34 2008 Fantasy Football

There are 4 sections: the DRAFT, the SEASON, the PLAYOFFS, the HANGOVER.

We're at:

peace... yow, bill 



Congrats to...

Payton34 2008 Champion


Owner: Jay Cervenka


Payton Bowl VI (that's 6 for you non-Romans out there)... the best ever!




Melonville LaRue 74


The Vegas line has the Larue heavily favored by 8 1/2 points. USA Today has touted the matchup as a "classic battle of good versus evil". The HILLBILLY, the "good", faces a difficult road in facing down the dark forces of a Melonville team that has shown no mercy all year. Stay tuned!


The first round of the playoffs is:

  • Melonville Larue 71, Naper Hawk Shadow 40  [boxscore]

  • HOFFMAN HILLBILLY 68, KGG 45  [boxscore]


yow, bill


Tue Dec 9, 2008

Final regular season standings:

Rank Team W-L-T Pct Pts Streak
*1. Mellonville LaRue's 11-2-1 .821 973 W-2
*2. KGG 10-4-0 .714 869 L-1
*3. HOFFMAN HILLBILLYS 10-4-0 .714 821 W-2
*4. Naper Hawk Shadow 8-6-0 .571 784 W-3
5. Dark Cobras 8-6-0 .571 716 L-3
6. Naper Mini-Burgers 7-7-0 .500 756 W-1
7. Lawn Rangers 6-7-1 .464 728 L-1
8. St. Charles Sapphire 6-8-0 .429 664 L-1
9. Killer Maltese 5-9-0 .357 636 L-2
10. Palatine Panthers 5-9-0 .357 574 W-1
11. Minooka Crazy Eight 4-10-0 .286 606 L-8
12. not baseball? 3-11-0 .214 604 W-1

And please enjoy the All-Payton34 team:

QBAa Rogers, gnbSt. Charles Sapphire149
RBD Williams, carnot baseball?146
RBM Turner, atlMelonville Larue140
WRA Boldin, ariNaper Hawk Shadow110
R/WT Jones, nyjKGG136
TET Gonzalez, kanPalatine Panther77
KS Gostkowski, nwe
R Longwell, min
Naper Hawk Shadow
Lawn Ranger
DGreen BayDark Cobra108

Cudos to Aaron Rogers, with 149 points... 2008 Payton34 MVP!

I know you love fun statistics:

  • There isn't a single first-round selection in the All-P34 team. The highest drafted player on the list? Larry Fitzgerald... taken by the HILLBILLY in the 2nd round.
  • All the All-P34 players were drafted though... no free agents.
  • Our MVP was deftly drafted in the 11th round by the Larue. Rodgers was then, maybe not so deftly, traded by the Larue to the Sapphire on Sep 27. Similarly, the Mini-Burger spent 7th round money for the best kicker in the league, Gostkowski... but inexplicably dropped the kicker on Sep 23, where he was quickly snarfed by the Hawk Shadow.
  • Don't cry for the Larue... the first-place team socred 973 points, an average of 69.5 points/game. Larue was more than 100 points better than the 2nd-highest scoring team (KGG 869). Incredible!

Last fun stat... the top 4 scoring teams in the league are our 4 playoff teams. Sounds like a plan to me!

peace... yow, bill

Thu Sep 4, 2008

Are you ready for some football! Su-weet.

I have had a couple requests (Bobbie, Eric) for some equal time pictures. I guess that Neck Beard and Lovie are not enough beefcake for some out there. 

So, in an effort to placate the masses (and not get my ass sued), enjoy:

NY firemen love Boobie and Eric

NY Firemen love Bobbie and Eric

And it is the political season...

Hot veep!

Hot veep!

Vote for the Mini-Burgers!

yow, bill

PS - Thanks, Bobbie. You're killing me over here. He he he!


Aug, 2008

The "real" fantasy season starts Thursday night with the Redskin at the Giant.

Hope springs eternal... I hope I don't do auxiliary stats this year. 

all the pieces are in place... yow, bill



The draft this year will feature something new. We'll have snacks and beers and pizza afterwards, complete with smack talk and my conversation with the Poap about how we're going to dominate the league (not) again this year.

Oh wait, that's what we do every year. OK, sounds good. 


Here are your time-space coordinates:

  • Where: Castle BillSkull... 1219 Bonnema Ct in Naperville
  • When: Saturday Aug 30, 2:30 pm... the draft starts at 3:00
  • Why: Draft your team for the Payton34 2008 fantasy football season
  • What the F: Call me if you're whatever: 630-555-3961.

[side note: jeez, this orange is already bugging the crap out of me... my cones, my rods!]

[side note note: never mind... I moved the orange to the right and made it smaller... ah, gray]

Draft order

Draft order is last year's results upside down, with newbies smushed in between the lottery teams and the playoff teams.

  1. Daryl the Lawn Ranger - Lawn Rangers
  2. Jay Grace - Connvicks
  3. Aaron - Palatine
  4. Greg - Hilltopper
  5. Eric the Poap - Melonville
  6. Mark - Plainfield
  7. Any newbies will be inserted here!
  8. More newbies...
  9. Ty or Justin - Cincy
  10. Myles - St. Charles
  11. Chris the Commish - KGG
  12. WilliamT - Naperville

Some notes:

  • Yes, you can change your team name.
  • You can see last year's draft on the web site.
  • We had 14 rounds last year... I expect the same this year.
  • Draft order is snake... first to last and then last to first. BTW, can we vote on this again? Because it sucks.
  • Cincy was shared last year by Ty and Justin. I expect each young buck to have his own team this year. We'll give one boy the Cincy franchise and the other will be considered a newbie. We'll determine this the same as the NFL: coin flip. He he.
  • I hope to have at least 2 newbies (Brad and Kurt) and more if we can swing it.
  • The fee is $50, unless you're a kid or saddled by NCAA rules in some way.
Email me if you have questions.


I usually give a list of sites with player rankings. I think this section is obsolete. Shit, everyone can do that now. Just hit ESPN or CBS Sportsline or Foxsports or just use the Yahoo rankings in our league. Or, get creative and google "fantasy football" or something.

Draft Results

First off, thanks to everyone for an excellent draft... or as my Hispanic brothers would say, muy drafte excellentamente. Cha.

Some fun draft facts:

  • I give a special shout out to our NYNY brothers and sisters for doing such a great (re. quick) drafting over the phone. Thanks, Brad and Bobbie and Annabelle.
  • We played football and frisbee after the draft to sober up and forget about our lousy teams.
  • We have 4 father/son teams: Bill/Ty, Chris/Justin, Eric/Myles, Daryl/Aaron.
  • We have 1 girl: Bobbie.
  • Aaron did a shot with his selection of the Chicago Bears defense in the 6th round... first Bear taken.
  • Aaron did another shot with each of his last 3 selections: Greg Olsen, Marty Booker and Neck Beard.
  • Adam Dunn's head bobbled throughout the draft.
  • Ty frequently proclaimed his happiness and declared that Willie Parker in the 5th round was like buying a motorcycle at Walmart for 25 cents... or something?!?

OK enough already... the draft results:

Why do I create those small image files... sigh. Geezer!

peace... yow, bill

PS - How did Fast Willie Parker fall to the 5th round, anyway?



Hair of the dog, baby... fantasy baseball!


That's all folks.

he he... yow, bill

PS - Alright... en homage to the Poap and America's Team:

Go team! Dang.