Bow down to the...

West Chicago WifeBeaters

1999 NIBL Champions

Game 1: Aruba 98, West Chicago 87 (boxscore)

Game 2: West Chicago 99, Aruba 78 (boxscore)

Game 3: West Chicago 147, Aruba 90 (boxscore)

Rose McGowan is even hotter than...

The Flippin' NIBL Playoffs!

MVP, All-NIBL team, blah blah blah

Bill Krieger... May 27, 1999

I've managed to pull myself out of my depression and personal hell to bring you the 1999 post-season NIBL awards.

First off, the NIBL 1999 MVP is the player that scored the most nibls during the season. For the second year in a row, the NIBL 1999 MVP is:

Karl led the league 1,063 nibls. Two other players also broke the thousand nibl barrier this year. In second place, Shaq from Matunuck had 1,042 nibls and Tim Duncan of Baghdad scored 1,022 nibls. Bow down to these three owners because these three players were also the first three picks of the draft. "I had to draft Karl Malone," said Shell Evans, owner of the Shorewood team, "but I don't like Karl Malone." Thanks Grama Shell... don't we all.

The All-NIBL team consists of the top players at each position based on nibls/game. Here's the All-NIBL first team:

Again, there's some nice drafting here as all the players on the on the All-NIBL team are first round picks, except Iverson who was taken in the second round. The only weird thing here is that Shaq from Matunuck is the only Eastern Conference player on the all-NIBL team.

Also, Shaq and Karl Malone are the only repeat All-NIBL teamers form last year. Last year's All-NIBL team also had M Jordan, T Duncan, and R Strickland. Scoring was also down fom last year... 4 of the 5 All-NIBL team players last year averaged 42 nibls per game or better.

And, here's the All-NIBL second team:

The second team has some wild picks. Tim Duncan and Zo were taken in the first round, but after that Jason Kidd was a third round pick and Kobe and McDyess were fourth round picks. Yikes! The Eastern Conference has two representatives on the second team. Matunuck again shows up with Jason Kidd and Baghdad has Tim Duncan.

The NIBL rookie of the year is the NBA rookie that scored the most nibls for his team. Drum roll...

Walla didn't even draft Vince; he was picked off the scrap heap in week 3. Good eye, Walla... The Bailey boys over at Walla Walla seem to have a thing for rookies because they had four of them: V Carter (506 nibls), P Pierce (240 nibls), L Hughes (47 nibls), and M Dickerson (19 nibls). It's tough to pick good rookies... just ask Jerry Krause.

Here's something... just for grins, the best and worst picks for each round of the NIBL draft. I haven't figured this out yet, so I hope Aruba doesn't pop up too many times. The vaunted NIBL software doesn't handle trades too well (at all?), so some of these may be off. Also, if you waived a guy that you drafted, then I didn't include him in this list.

What's up with Cap City... with the worst first round pick (Googs with 629 nibls) and an outrageous last round pick (Ratliff with 483 nibls). Shorewood was a little erratic as well with the best picks in rounds 1, 7 and 9 and the worst selections in rounds 3, 5, 6 and 10.

I look at all this crap and I look at the four playoff teams (West Chicago, Aruba, Cap City and Elk Grove)... what made these teams winners?

• West Chicago rocks with 3 players on the first and second All-NIBL teams. That means with his first four picks, Don Fenton picked three of the top 10 players this year. Is Don that good or do the rest of us suck?
• Last year (1998), the ends of the draft wound up in the playoffs. That is, the teams that picked first in the draft (Aruba, West Chicago) and the teams that picked last in the draft (Manila, Walla Walla) made the playoffs. This year the opposite happened and all the playoff teams emerged from the middle of the draft: 6th, 7th, 11th and 12th picks out of 14 teams.
• It's obvious why West Chicago made the playoffs (and won the title!), but how did Aruba and Cap City do it? Neither team had any player that made the All-NIBL cut. Aruba's best player was Hakeem, who was 11th in the league in scoring, and Cap City had M Finley at 18th best in scoring. Well, Cap City had the second-fewest points scored against it (3342) and won their last three games with the late season emergence of Gary Trent and his bad self. Aruba had a truly balanced attack with 5 players averaging better than 28 nibls/game.
• Maybe it was momentum that propelled these playoff teams? Cap City won four of their last five games, and Elk Grove won all five. Aruba only lost once all season (to Shorewood in week 4), so the Thong were on a season-long roll. Oops... West Chicago lost their last 3 regular season games as a tuneup to winning the NIBL crown.

So, how do you pick a playoff team? If you can figure it out, let me know. One oddity, though... West Chicago drafted 12th and yet Don Fenton drafted the first two guards in the draft (Payton and Iverson). (Well, Scottie Pippen, the 11th pick, was a forward/guard) Are the rest of us focused too much on big men and forwards? Got me? I doubt Iverson and Payton will be around for Don Fenton next year.

yow, bill

PS - So, Karl Malone put six stitches in B Grant's head on Tuesday night. OK, no problemo. Let's wrap it up at home tonight Blazer and then Karl Malone can go home and beat on his wife and kids. Go Blazer!

West Chicago Wow!

WifeBeater Slap Thong for NIBL Title

Bill Krieger... May 24, 1999

Somebody pissed off the West Chicago WifeBeater, and they apparently took it out this weekend on the Aruba Thong. The Beaters crushed the Thong in the series clincher 147-90, and West Chicago wins the 1999 NIBL Championship two games to one.

West Chicago clicked on all cylinders led again by Alan Iverson's 42 nibls. The key to the Beater title-winning effort, though, was Iverson's supporting cast. Jaren Jackson, who in game two was able to score only a single nibl point, crashed the party with 30 nibls. In fact, every Beater scored 20 nibls or more.

Aruba had a good effort, but it wasn't nearly enough. Brian Grant again led the Thong with 37 nibls; Bryon Russell, however, stumbled with only 10 nibls. With West Chicago tallying 147 points, Aruba never stood a chance.

Here's the final NIBL Championship series stats:

Bill Krieger, owner of the Aruba Thong, seemed unphased by the loss. Perched at Aruba Thong headquarters, a bar stool at the Aruba Hilton, Mr. Krieger responded to the West Chicago stomping, "I-I blasum my ser fank in blur de mokkum. Where's bly Heiny! F'in F!" It's unclear what this second consecutive playoff defeat will do to the Thong organization, but answers were not to be found at the bottom of a green bottle.

In West Chicago, cars were overturned and set ablaze, though this was not thought to be at all related to the WifeBeater victory. Don Fenton, West Chicago owner, interviewed via satellite, said "Did I win it yet? Good. It just seemed to take so damn long. Where's my money?" Asked of his plans for defending the NIBL title next year Don replied, "I think I'll send my player draft in by carrier pigeon next year... more reliable than Raimondo ya know."

The winner, West Chicago, receives 400 clams and will have his name etched on the treasured Michael Jordan Award (if we can pry the plaque frmo Denise Raimondo's hand) for all eternity. The loser, Aruba, gets 200 bones and a ticket to buster-ville until... next season.

yow, bill

PS - Well, all our positive vibes were received in Portland and the Blazers are up 3 games to 1. Briant Grant is smacking Karl Malone's bitch up... Stockton looks as old as, well, as old as he is... Hornacek is being humiliated by Riders... and Jerry Sloan, retard that he is, thinks that getting himself beat up Rasheed Wallace might help the buster Jazz cause. Sorry, Jerry, you stink.

PPS - Check out my guy at www.briangrant44.com

PPPS - We'll wrap up NIBL 1999 with the All-NIBL team and the NIBL MVP!

Standings Key:

• "PF" means "points for", or points scored by the team

• "PA" means "points against", or points scored by the team's opponents